Dear Gracie: 1 Month

Dear Gracie,

Today you are 1 month old. It is hard to believe that 1 month ago I was headed to the hospital to be induced, incredibly excited to meet the little person who had been making me miserable (I kid… or not). I’ve seen so many changes in just 1 short month. You were 9lb 8oz at your last doctor appointment, a steady growth since you birth weight of 7lb 13oz. You used to scream bloody murder during diaper changes and we’re improving on that. You are now only throwing fits occasionally during diaper/clothing changes, mainly if you’re hungry during. You were breast fed for 5 days before we ran into issues. I then pumped for a few days exclusively before having to use formula in combination. Now we’re on formula alone which is not something I wanted but it was definitely a learning experience and I won’t make the same mistakes again. We also think we’ve taken care of your constipation problems. You had a pretty bad diaper rash early on but we combated that with Nystatin cream and more frequent diaper changes and everything has improved. Cloth diapers still have plenty of love and I’m so glad I decided not to use disposables.

You eat 3-4 ounces at a time and your appetite seems to stay steady. We’re not on a schedule but we’re not too bad when it comes to knowing when you’re going down for a nap. You love car rides and within a minute or two you fall asleep and don’t wake up until I disturb your slumber when taking you out. You also have given up your pacifier which I’m not complaining about because I’ve read about the stories of pacifier problems at 3-4 years old and we don’t want that. Colby is beginning to realize that you are a person and investigates when you cry now.

Everyone comments about what a good and happy baby you are. You only cry when you are wet or hungry. You’re not afraid to be put down for a minute which makes me so grateful that I can take 5 minutes or so to get something done if I have to. You also don’t mind being held by friends and family. You’re holding your head up a lot and it’s funny to watch you rock on your tummy with frustration because you don’t move anywhere just yet. You’re more alert and look at our faces a lot more. Daddy can’t wait until you’re a bit older so he can interact with you more. We love cuddling and co-sleeping is working out very well. You sleep so much better with mommy than in your bassinet. We both love you so much and are eager to see what the future brings in days, weeks, months, and even years.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy

Klutz here

I really should not be allowed out of the house. I am such a klutz. Let us backtrack a bit. I take both Gracie (duh) and Colby with me every morning to pick up Randy from work. I take her downstairs first (our stairs are indoors) and buckle her in her car seat. Colby waits at the door to come outside. I don’t let him run free because if our neighbors dog Junior is out, they get into it. Colby is 60lbs and junior is like 10lbs. So I walk up our porch which has 4 concrete steps, open the door, grab Colby’s collar, and begin walking down the 4 steps to the car. Lo and behold, I missed 1 or 2 steps and BAM I fell onto the concrete with my left knee hitting first. If my car was about a foot closer I may have face planted into the hood. I don’t know if it was just me or if it was combined Colby yanking and bending down to hold him. Regardless, I limped to the car and trekked off to pick Randy up. I’m such a big baby. I cried almost the whole way there and calmed down about 5 minutes beforehand.

Once I got there I broke down crying again because it stung SO badly. Concrete brush burn is a bitch. It’s also swollen. I whined the whole trip home and had help up the steps. Thankfully my pants protected it from getting any dirt inside it so I skipped the peroxide. I might have screamed bloody murder if anything touched it. It’s feeling much better after sleeping all day though. A shower stung a bit but I’m tolerating it now and the sweling has gone down. I’m just glad I didn’t have Gracie because I probably would’ve been injured more holding her close and not catching the rest of my body with my hands.

I have no idea how I made it through labor. I’m such a wuss.

Thanks for support

I just need to make a short post. Thank you for so much support on the breast feeding issue. I appreciate the comments, ideas, and suggestions on what I can do. As an FYI, I am still pumping occasionally but supply is slowly decreasing. I’ll continue so she gets a little at least but I’m going not to feel guilty for for my decision. I really needed the support. It’s good to know that there is more positive people than negative surrounding me.

Breast Feeding Vent

I need to vent right now. I am SO sick of feeling like a shitty mother for using formula. I never saw it as an issue until the internet and then you get labeled a horrible parent for using formula.

I tried to breast feed. She didn’t latch correctly and it hurt. She wasn’t getting enough food either and was screaming in hunger. Not only that but when she was trying to latch she’d throw her head back and scream. I needed to feed her. I turned to pumping and was able to keep up with her demand for awhile but I can’t do it because to be honest, I’m too damn busy to pump every 2-3 hours. Let me give you some insight.

My husband works 12 1/2 hour shifts 6 days a week. It’s a half hour commute each way. Since I drive him I am in the car for 2 hours of the day. I b asically raise Gracie by myself. I have to feed her, love her, change/diaper her, and tend to her every need 24 hours a day. I also have a dog who requires attention and care. I cook, clean, do dishes and laundry, work on ChaCha, do the budgeting, shopping, and every other thing around the house. It’s my life. I chose to be a stay at home mother but I’m also CHOOSING to enjoy my daughter. I couldn’t do that stressing over breast feeding and I’m still working on getting over that issue which never should’ve been something to be an issue in the first place.

Gracie was doing BM at night and formula during the day but supply dwindled (and pumping is still hard) so she’s on mainly formula and I tried 2 days of only formula to see how her system is handling it. She’s getting backed up. After a day and a half I gave her about 4oz of formula and within 2 hours we had results. I tried a different formula today and the same problem so I again, breast milk 4oz or so, and she had a bowel movement. My supply is dwindling and once it does I’m at a loss of what to do. I need advice from parents who have gone through transitioning. I’m used to her pooping 3-5 times a day on mainly breast milk. Is it normal to not go at all or have a few days in between?

I’m ending this with, if you are going to hold that I’m formula feeding against me then screw off. Delete me from your twitter, facebook, myspacve, blogroll, whatever. I don’t really care and to be honest I want nothing to do with you. I don’t need ‘friends’ or acquaintances like that because you’re a shitty person for judging someone so harshly. Go ahead, call me selfish and a horrible mother but your life isn’t perfect either and there are many things that I could probably criticize about your life as well but it’s none of my business so I don’t. Don’t worry about my life and I won’t focus on yours. If you have a problem with this, let me know so that I can follow through with cutting you and your close minded hyper mom ideas out of my life. I don’t need it.

A diaper rash and doggy dirt

Everytime I do the dishes I always get at least some water on my shirt. It never fails. I guess I’m just clumsy. Anyhoo, today I took Gracie to the doctor due to a diaper rash which has been very persistant in not going away. It has improved a bit using Nyastin. I’ve also been given plenty of suggestions on things to try so we’ll go down the list if this doesn’t work. She is 9lbs and 8 ounces now. I can definitely say she’s gaining weight at a healthy rate. She was born 7lb 13oz.

Colby is also doing very well. His stitches came out and he’s got his cast on for another 5 weeks but you’d never even know he had one on. On a horrible note, my dog Shadow which resided at my parent’s house broke his cable and was hit and killed in the road on Saturday night. My dad found him the next morning in a ditch with fiberglass in his neck. I got him at 15, 7 years ago. Poor Shadow, I guess Layla was walking around whining because she’s never known life without him.

Otherwise life is pretty much the daily grind. I get up, take care of Gracie and the house, drive Randy to work/pick him up, rinse and repeat. At the moment though I’m getting ready to eat dinner and do ChaCha. Bills still need to get paid although I’d be ready for a nap right about now. What a boring entry. My life is lame.

On the TMI note though, Randy and I were messing around earlier and since I hadn’t leaked b00b juice I figured my supply was dried up due to pumping less frequently. He found out that I still produce quite a bit… and proceeded not to mention it until AFTER the fact. He said the taste is “not exactly my cup of tea”. I’m amused.