Breast Feeding Vent
Breast Feeding Vent
Oct 21I need to vent right now. I am SO sick of feeling like a shitty mother for using formula. I never saw it as an issue until the internet and then you get labeled a horrible parent for using formula.
I tried to breast feed. She didn’t latch correctly and it hurt. She wasn’t getting enough food either and was screaming in hunger. Not only that but when she was trying to latch she’d throw her head back and scream. I needed to feed her. I turned to pumping and was able to keep up with her demand for awhile but I can’t do it because to be honest, I’m too damn busy to pump every 2-3 hours. Let me give you some insight.
My husband works 12 1/2 hour shifts 6 days a week. It’s a half hour commute each way. Since I drive him I am in the car for 2 hours of the day. I b asically raise Gracie by myself. I have to feed her, love her, change/diaper her, and tend to her every need 24 hours a day. I also have a dog who requires attention and care. I cook, clean, do dishes and laundry, work on ChaCha, do the budgeting, shopping, and every other thing around the house. It’s my life. I chose to be a stay at home mother but I’m also CHOOSING to enjoy my daughter. I couldn’t do that stressing over breast feeding and I’m still working on getting over that issue which never should’ve been something to be an issue in the first place.
Gracie was doing BM at night and formula during the day but supply dwindled (and pumping is still hard) so she’s on mainly formula and I tried 2 days of only formula to see how her system is handling it. She’s getting backed up. After a day and a half I gave her about 4oz of formula and within 2 hours we had results. I tried a different formula today and the same problem so I again, breast milk 4oz or so, and she had a bowel movement. My supply is dwindling and once it does I’m at a loss of what to do. I need advice from parents who have gone through transitioning. I’m used to her pooping 3-5 times a day on mainly breast milk. Is it normal to not go at all or have a few days in between?
I’m ending this with, if you are going to hold that I’m formula feeding against me then screw off. Delete me from your twitter, facebook, myspacve, blogroll, whatever. I don’t really care and to be honest I want nothing to do with you. I don’t need ‘friends’ or acquaintances like that because you’re a shitty person for judging someone so harshly. Go ahead, call me selfish and a horrible mother but your life isn’t perfect either and there are many things that I could probably criticize about your life as well but it’s none of my business so I don’t. Don’t worry about my life and I won’t focus on yours. If you have a problem with this, let me know so that I can follow through with cutting you and your close minded hyper mom ideas out of my life. I don’t need it.
I applaud you. Of course, BFing is ideal but we don’t live in a perfect world and honestly if there are people out there willingly to starve their children because they want to be BM and they are having a hard time like you did then they are the shitty people.
As long as you and the baby are healthy, that’s all that matters to me.
I will go ahead and be perfectly honest and say that I don’t agree with your decision to formula feed, because it’s not the best choice for Gracie — as evidenced by her bowel movement issues. However, I do *respect* your choice, and I also feel that it’s important for you (and all mothers) to make the choice that makes you the happiest, because if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody going to be happy.
With that said, I don’t know what to suggest in terms of transitioning Gracie to formula, except to try different formulas. Could she possibly have a sensitivity to lactose, or another main ingredient that most standard formulas have? Lactose intolerance usually causes an upset stomach and bowel issues, though they tend to run to looser stools rather than backed-up issues. I’m honestly not sure. Have you asked her physician? He/she may be able to give you some formula samples to try out.
On a related note, I hope that you and Randy are able to resolve his lack-of-license issue asap, so that you’re relieved of the burden of driving him back and forth. That’s a lot of your time, plus twice as much gas being used.
I breastfed Cassidy exclusively at that age (she breastfed till she was 10 months old) and she had a problem with constipation at that age. So it might not even be the formula that’s causing the problem.
One thing the doctor had me try was really diluting come apple juice and giving it to her. That helped SOMETIMES but there were times I’d have to end up giving her a suppository. I’d ask your doctor for sure. There are a lot of different formulas out there and it might just be that you haven’t found the right one yet.
Keep your chin up! Motherhood can be hard but you seem to really love and care for the little princess so I have no doubt that things will all work themselves out.
I think it would probably be easier on her tummy if you mix your breast milk with the formula gradually. Like to start make a bottle that is 25% formula and the rest BM, then 50% and so on. Obviously that’s only if you’re still producing enough milk to do that. We didn’t have to deal with it, formula was already being added to my milk to make it higher in calories. I know that switching formula brands can also be hard on their tummies.
Anyway, just try ignore them. Breastfeeding does not make you a good parent. I don’t think everyone got that memo.
i think its rediculous for someone to judge you for your choices… health wise i turned out fine and i was ALLERGIC to breast milk. the only problems i have are my own fault in not being a healthy adult but i was not screwed up by being bottle fed with soy formula.
i am not a mother so i can’t really give good advice here but do what you must to make you and baby happy. and if people judge you for that, they aren’t really your friends are they?
I worked for 2 familys that had BF issues, Family #1 they tried formula but the baby couldnt handle it, they did some research and started the baby on RAW Milk from health food stores and the baby did great on that, they had no more tummy issues and no constipation issues.
Family #2 she actually has 3 kids and has had trouble with all of them, her second she gave her goats milk with carrot juice and vitamins though the baby turned orange, so she switched to goats milk with carrot juice to once a day and goats milk the rest of the day, though beware the goats milk smells bad!
Both familys have healthy happy children family #2 is doing the same thing she did with her second baby to her third. Her kids are healthy happy chunkers, I love them so much!
You know what? Fuck what everyone else thinks. Stuff like this seriously pisses me off. I have a happy, intelligent, HEALTHY three year old who was formula fed from one week old. You do what YOU think is best. I understand how hard breastfeeding is when your daughter is starving constantly. Meghan never slept unless she was latched on because she was so hungry and never got anything from me. You can only do so much and people can tell you over and over that you could have carried on breastfeeding but its your decision, its your daughter and its your fuckin’ life.
Ugh. Rant over.
(I’m on your side if you hadn’t noticed, haha.)
Manda, do what is best for YOU and YOUR child. It really annoys me when people go on their high horse and bully women who choose not to breastfeed for whatever reasons. It seems you have tried to breastfeed which is a good thing. It isn’t like you haven’t bothered. At the end of the day Gracie NEEDS to be fed and if she is fed formula, surely it is better than feeding her nothing?
It irritates me so much to see you’re being harried over this. While I myself would choose breastfeeding if I ever became with child, I do not believe a woman should ever be guilt-tripped into choosing breast over formula. You’re going through enough as it is, you seem to be in despair over not being able to breastfeed. If anything, pro-breast feeders should be rallying around offering their help to you, not putting you down and making you feel this way. Now, I’m not saying ALL pro-breast feeders are bullying, I know some are being supportive (Sarah of OSN, for example).
Whatever you choose to do, I hope you and Gracie will be okay. Do what YOU think is best for your child. You are her mother and only you and Randy as Gracie’s parents can make these decisions. From what I have heard you’ve been a great mother in this short time. Keep up the good work and chin up.
I don’t agree with the idea that the bowel movements have ANYTHING to do with your daughter’s food source. I mean, of course they do, but not as you’d maybe expect- My newborn son (oct 5) is having only one bowel movement every 24-72 hours. He started out only on BM and we have been told by all of the doctors at three different locations now that this is totaly o.k. If he goes more than 7 days, bring him in.
We have had the same problems you describe and more- he was only 5,11 at birth and lost almost a full pound in his first four days. He was never strong enough to nurse enough to take care of him. He couldn’t sleep properly, he couldn’t eat properly, he was wasting away- so we visited another dr and that doctor popped a bottle into my hands and said, ‘Get a pump, give him formula until you can pump, nurse him as much as you can, top him off with expressed milk, then give him formula if that’s gone. Feed him until HE is FULL.’
It is still not perfect, we breast feed, pump and supplement with formula as much as he needs- today he has had (since six a.m., it’s now almost
10 oz of expressed milk and 4 of formula. He nurses at night, but usually just to make his tummy feel good enough to go back to sleep.
When my mother arrived this week to meet her first grandchild she asked if I was BF’ing. I told her as much as I can, what we’re doing and told her this-
It’s EASY for women to feel good about themselves and judge others when they were lucky enough to have any sort of normal delivery, have their milk come in, have a healthy, strong baby and breastfeed. It’s so easy to say in that situation (when everything goes right), ‘We NEVER gave formula!’ It’s NOT easy to say, ‘I wanted to breast feed my son, but my body failed despite all of my attempts.’ I am working as hard as I can, but no, it’s not easy. It’s also not easy to pump for 20 minutes and hand over his tiny little bottle to someone else because I have other things I have to do as well.
All I can express at a time is 2-2 1/2 oz. Fortunately for now my son doesn’t eat more than that at a time, but he still finds BFing to be extremely frustrating for him. It hurts me, too. I’m trying to pump right now and let my body heal. Hopefully we’ll get past it, but if we don’t, my son isn’t going to starve to live up to society’s expectations of what a mother should be.
The choice to breastfeed or formula feed your child is YOUR decision. People need to focus on raising there own kids the way they want to and stop worrying about other peoples decisions on how they raise there kids. I didn’t breastfeed my daughter and you know what, she is fine! You tried breastfeeding/pumping and decided another option worked better for you and your little one. Tell everyone else to mind there own business!
I just want to throw this in there: Formula is second best, NOT first worst. I think anyone who really thinks about it would rather have Gracie formula fed than starved.
Keep doing whatever you need to to have a healthy baby, and don’t let people bring you down.
Sorry that should have been “choosing formula over breast”.
She is your child and you are the one responsible for her. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about any decision that you make.
Have you tried soy based formula? She could be allergic to the lactose based formula and the is what causing the constipation. But I would talk to your doctor they may have some other suggestions.
I formula feed my daughter not because of any health reasons but because of my choice. People can call me a bad mother all the want. The proof is in the pudding. My daughter (who is 12) is one of the most well behaved, trusted, polite, good head on her shoulders kid you will ever met. She is intelligent and a very talented artist. Breast feeding your child does not automatically make you a good parent. And people that think that are just trying to find ones to make their shitty selves feel high and mighty.