On the ick note, Randy finally got the support paperwork that states he has to pay $7,200 or something similar for spousal support to his ex wife. It’s at my parent’s house but we’re going to get it this weekend when we go over. We will be sending the absolute minimum possible per week, especially considering circumstances. It’s a messed up situation all over that never should’ve even occurred but NY is stupid like that. We have each other and our daughter. That’s something she can never have influence over.

So onto bigger and better things. Pictures are Monday at 3:30. Depending on sitting fee costs, I may consider family portraits if possible but who knows. I’ve never had professional pictures done before and they’re mad expensive from what I’ve seen. We have her little dress all picked out and everything. Winter has finally hit and I am NOT enjoying it. It’s cold, it’s wet, it’s windy/rainy/snowy. Welcome to December.

Here is a video of Gracie talking for a full 30 seconds. She was sitting on the couch, toppled over, and this is what she had to say about the whole thing.

As the title says, Colby got shot. We were at my parent’s house and he got out and ran up the road to the neighbor’s house where he attacked and killed one of his chickens. He then decided that Colby was going to be his target practice and shot him. This is apparently b/c my parent’s dog Shadow has done it before and my dad told him to go ahead and shoot him if he caught him again. He thought it was Shadow. My dad is a heartless asshole. Colby arrived back home covered in blood unable to stand on his foot. I get that he got the chicken but he could’ve shot into the air to scare him or jesus I would’ve reimbursed him for it.

He got cleaned up and we found a few holes where he was hit and tried to get the bleeding to stop. Randy got approved for $500 in care credit for vet bills/medical bills and if you need more you have to call after 48 hours for an increase request. We’re going to have to. Currently Colby has easily 40 shots in his left two legs plus some grazed his chest. They are all over the place. He has to undergo surgery on Friday to get them removed and it is likely they will have to amputate his toe on his front left leg due to the bone getting shattered in 4-5 pieces. He is currently on both antibiotics and pain killers. The bill so far is $226 and that is without his surgery. Since we’re home now and not at my parent’s house he’s comfortably sleeping in our bed like he usually does. I feel horrible for him. My puppy is not going to be the same again.

My car has some temporary stop leak in the transmission at the moment to see if we can fix it this way before ripping the engine out. If I leak it out I have 2 gallons in my trunk and i know how to put it in until I can get Randy since the only place I’m driving is to and from his work. *sigh*

On top of it, I don’t think I’m going to keep up with Gracie’s breast feeding demands. I usually only have 4-6 oz ready for her and she drinks 3 or so in a feeding so it’s not easy to keep up. I’m pumping right now and then going to hope she stays asleep so I can go get some food. I haven’t eaten all day. You really learn the value of 5 minutes when you have a newborn who can wake up at any time screaming because she wants food and she wants it NOW. *sigh* It’s good to be back home but now I’m very VERY lonely again.

This weekend is my birthday and I was supposed to go out and drink but that won’t work for 2 reasons. I would have to pump and dump due to the alcohol in my system and I can’t keep up my supply as it is and 2. I just don’t want to. My mom suggested that Randy and I just got to dinner and a movie or something so we can spend some time together since we’re having a lot of troubles doing so. I think we’ll hit up my favorite sport’s bar b/c I love their chicken tenders and see what is playing. Lord knows we have no shortage of people willing to babysit. I’m going to go throw on a hoodie, find some food, and maybe work on ChaCha.

I go back on Thursday morning bright and early at 9:15 to see if I have made any progress at all and to get another check on fluid levels. He mentioned a possible induction which is why he has me coming in so early but did not say for sure it’s happening. He’s not really pushing in any direction but monitoring my stats. My weight gain was 1lb and my BP is excellent as usual. I imagine Thursday my cell will be going haywire with texts again. Randy kept poking me though and the doc advised him to never provoke a pregnant woman. He told him I’d just get the tire iron from the trunk to which Dr. J replied that it’d be a bad idea because it’d go right through the skull. While checking my cervix he also told me he knew it was invasive but he wasn’t trying to reach my tonsils. Someone has a sense of humor. :-p

On a completely unrelated note I’m annoyed with something I read on someone’s journal online. It’s no one who I talk to directly or who will read this so no, it’s not you. She’s a mother to 2 boys and attends college part time while her husband works. They struggle like many of us do. Well a week or 2 ago she posted about not having food because her food stamp recertification didn’t go through and she had to re-file paperwork blah blah blah whatever it happens. She posted and someone mentioned she should post her paypal info. Again, no problems yet. Shit happens.

Today she posted that she almost overdrew her account but managed to cover the charge before the OD fee hit. Then later in the entry says her cable almost got shut off and she had to write them a check for $160 but there’s only $19 in there but she omg HAD TO do it because she can’t live without the TV on it’s just not normal and you can only talk to someone for so long before it’s eerie. Then posted her paypal link again.

W-T-F?! I’m usually not one to judge people especially when it comes to finances but WTF again? You have children you complain about having problems feeding and then beg people for money to pay your cable bill (and an overdraft fee you will encounter)? I can’t believe some people and where their priorities lie. I also was tempted to reply to her that since moving here (almost 2 months now) our TV was on for 2 hours. She obviously has a computer and high speed internet. Ever heard of hulu or a DVD player or *gasp* music from a radio or even mp3s? I can’t fathom how you can prioritize a $160 cable bill over penny pinching to buy milk/gas/other food which are essential for care of your children.

With that being said, I think I may go lie down. My sleep schedule today was from 8:00am-10:30am and then from 8:00-8:45pm. I’ve tried pillows between the legs, propping up, etc. Nothing works. My body is very anti me getting any type of significant sleep and I cringe in pain every time I get out of bed. Randy and I have been noticing he works close to 50 hours a week and I’m home all the time and he gets at least double the amount of sleep I do. Joy.

I look like crap and feel like it too. Today marks 40 weeks and little Miss. Gracie is showing no signs of appearing. She’s still quite high up it feels and there have been no changes in the TMI department. I’ve been having mild cramping but that is nothing new. Tomorrow I have a doc appointment at 1:45 where he’ll do my first cervical check at 40w1d. He hasn’t mentioned anything about inductions which I’m glad b/c I don’t want a doc pressuring me into anything. I’m just hoping that there has been SOME progress.

I’m sick of not being able to lay down without pain. I’m sick of my legs going numb in bed. I’m sick of not being able to sleep for an hour even without being uncomfortable. I’m sick of refusing my husband’s sexual advances because it’s not enjoyable for me but most of all?

I’M SICK OF THE FUCKING TEXT MESSAGES OF PEOPLE ASKING IF I’M IN LABOR YET. I swear I get like 5 a day. It’s SO FUCKING ANNOYING. You will KNOW when I am in labor because I will tell you. Until then, back.the.fuck.off. I’d probably be more patient if I wasn’t getting hassled every single day about it. I’m ready to throw my phone out the window or leave it off but then knowing my luck someone would show up at my door because my phone went to voicemail. Oh the horror. My MIL accused me of being moody earlier. I told her no I’m just fucking cranky outright. There’s no mood swing about it.

Surprisingly, I haven’t taken my rage out on anybody and now I’m going to go work on ChaCha for a bit and then maybe consider attempting a nap. We’ll see.

Randy’s working overtime tonight which isn’t surprising to me in the least. He likes money. I like the attitude he’s got about working to support myself and Gracie. I see FAR too many relationships built with lazy men mooching off of their women just because they can like Randy’s cousin. She worked until 3 days before her due date. There is NOTHING wrong with women working or both working but her boyfriend should have been working to help instead of lounging around while she supported both of them. It’s ridiculous. Randy and I are on the same page when it comes to me working. He wants me to stay at home with Gracie and he works to support us financially. I help out a bit with ChaCha and I do the majority of the housework. It’s equal to us as a trade off. I just hate seeing girls who do ALL of it such as Randy’s sister, cousin, and a few other people that we know personally. Ah well though. All I can do is live my life and appreciate that I have a good man who is on the same page when it comes to goals and ideals.

With that being said, I’m going to go try to earn the last few dollars on ChaCha before midnight’s monthly payoff cutoff and then organize some more baby clothes/do the dishes. I might decide to put some clothes on as well considering I’m sitting wrapped in a towel right now. There are some perks to being completely alone in the house. ^_^

In the larger scheme of things it’s only money. I have him and we are expecting our daughter in only a short time period. We have a dog we love to death, a place to live (although we may have to penny pinch a bit more), and can afford a few luxuries like internet and the occasional going out to eat. We’re both in good health and have amazing family support networks.

Now onto more cheery topics, today I am officially 37 weeks or full term. This excites me somewhat but doesn’t in some other ways because I’ve known women who can go to 42 weeks. I’m hoping I’m not one of those. I have my weekly doctor appointment tomorrow which is usually a quick and painless ultrasound to check the heart beat, fluid, and my blood pressure along with amniotic fluid amounts. She’s low right now as I can tell by the pressure on my bladder 24/7 and on my girly bits as well. I’ve also got comments that it looks like I dropped. Randy and I are going to be installing our car seat sometime this week, complete with a garbage bag over it to avoid Colby hair sticking to it. He rides to/from work everyday when I pick up and drop Randy off. It’s his treat of the day.

And on that note I’m going to ChaCha for another 45 minutes before going to pick him up. He’s pulling a 12 hour shift today. Overtime has been very gracious lately.

There’s been a lot going on in the past 2 months all at once. I moved out, got married, and am expecting a baby in 3 weeks. My mom threw me a bridal shower on August 2nd when we moved which I was incredibly grateful for. Then she helped out a ton with buying things for the wedding and organizing which was also appreciated. She was going to throw me a baby shower but Randy’s mom told her at the bridal shower that since mom threw that, she’d take care of the baby shower. It sounds simple enough, right? The problem lies in the date she decided to have it. Mom asked right before the wedding since she hadn’t heard anything and she told us it would be on September 13th.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful but seriously? I think that’s incredibly late. I am due on September 22nd or 20th depending on which day you ask my Dr. That is a week before my due date and it’s not unusual to go into labor beforehand. Randy’s mom has jokingly said it’s OK if she’s at her own baby shower but I thought the whole point was to be prepared beforehand? It’s causing me to stress out because I can’t wait around to see what I may end up getting. I need to be prepared and right now I am definitely not.

I don’t have any hygienic items for her and no where to sleep for her b/c my mom has hinted at buying a P&P which is what we wanted. I’m sure if I took a stroll through the baby aisle I’d see a bunch of other things I may need. I feel so unprepared for her arrival. Am I being unreasonable here? I have a feeling if I go out and buy stuff it’d be wasteful since I may end up getting it at the baby shower and I’m trying to pinch pennies as it is. (I went and spent like $250 the day before my bridal shower since it was a surprise and could’ve saved myself a ton of money). Now I wonder, what do I do?