I’m beginning to worry

Thanks for the support everyone. It means a lot.

P90X has been going very well for me. Today is Day 7 where I can either do X-stretch or rest but I’m leaning towards rest. I slept funny and as a result my neck and shoulder are incredibly sore. Maybe my feelings will change later on in the day. We’ll see. My favorite of the workouts that I’ve done so far is Kenpo. I like the punching and kicking. It went by really fast too and didn’t seem like an hour whatsoever. This is the longest I’ve ever stuck with an exercise routine (sad huh?) so if you’re looking for something to try to get into I highly recommend it. I love the variety that it offers.

Otherwise life is well, life. Randy is working more now than ever (Mandatory 12 hour shifts many days and 7 days a week on some weeks) so money is trickling in to pay bills but at a cost to time together and his health. He doesn’t eat very much at all (I’m probably say less than 1000 cals a day, seriously). When he sleeps he will sleep for 11 hours and still be incredibly tired once he gets up. When he does eat it’s usually something that isn’t very nutritious like frozen pizza and he eats chunky soup at work but that’s full of sodium. I’m going to be getting a multivitamin for him to take but I really wish he’d see a doctor too. Maybe his iron his low or something else but I’ve never seen a person sleep as much as he does. I worry about him. In 8 months he’s lost about 4 inches on his waist and he’s already skinny so he doesn’t need to be losing weight (He’s under 160 now and he’s like 5′10″?)

Gracie is the same as usual. Full of attitude already and very vocal. She’ll often go on these 1/2 hour long blabber sessions. She can’t sit up by herself for very long without toppling over and she won’t lie on her tummy so crawling isn’t quite there either. She’s fond of throwing things of course and her hair is growing a bit more. No teeth have broken through yet Of course everything she holds goes in her mouth. She loves to chew my microphone on my headset when she’s on my lap or grab my cell phone and chew that while listening to music on it as well. She gets lots of attention from everyone, except her dad who sees her a maximum of 10 minutes a day. It’s sad. I worry that she’s not going to know who he is but when she does see him she is always full of smiles and cries when he hands her to me because of the short time period. I think he has a week long lay off coming up next month which will be nice for time together (his job pays unemployment for their layoffs).

I want spring. I miss nice weather and I was over snow the first day it fell.

Shutter Island and p90x

Last night Randy and I had a “date night” and went to see Shutter Island and went to dinner first. The day started out rocky since he went on no sleep (couldn’t sleep when he tried) and we got into a mini fight but it was stupid and we hung out at his mom’s house for a bit. Then we went to eat and he spilled my entire glass of Pepsi ALL over me. My shirt was soaked, my jeans were soaked, and all I could do was stare at him with my mouth dropped open. The glasses at this restaurant are like 32oz so believe me I was WET. Thankfully he had a hoodie in the truck which was a little snug but nothing unbearable and my jeans had to just dry on their own. Despite that we talked a bit and just enjoyed ourselves. We headed off to the movie theater to see Shutter Island and he fell asleep the entire movie from exhaustion. It sucks in some regard but I got to see the movie and he used me as a pillow the whole time so it works. I didn’t expect that story line at ALL so definitely go see it. I highly recommend it.

We got home at about 10 or so and immediately went up to bed and snuggled and slept. It’s nice to sleep together once in awhile. I miss that with him being on 3rd shift. I’ve done 2 days of p90x and ouch. The first day I completed it and was exhausted (although ab ripper X I struggle hardcore with. I have a LOT of excess fat and NO balance so some positions are difficult to even get into let alone hold) and yesterday I made it until 20 mins of plyometrics was left. I definitely don’t have endurance and my heart rate was above the threshold. Next time I’m going to try to make it through the entire workout. I also still have a sprained toe which made jumping VERY difficult every time I came down. I have issues even walking on it. I was definitely working but I can’t expect to be as fit as they are or even a normal person because I don’t have an active life style and I’m not going to pretend that I do. Today I’m doing shoulders/arms and ab ripper X. I hope to get a little further with Ab ripper (make it through each exercise without time left) and I’m going to get a few stronger resistance bands today as well.

I’m struggling especialyly when it comes to support. I got wise cracks from my mom about “Well how long are you going to stick with THIS?” and laughing at me struggling to do a certain exercise or whatever. That right there is why I find it so hard to workout. I’m SO self conscious and I don’t need negative influences. I shouldn’t be ridiculed for trying to do something to change my body which I’m most definitely NOT happy with. I just know today that EVERYTHING HURTS. Abs and legs the most.

On the food front, changes haven’t really been made too much. I’m trying to make baby steps here instead of diving in all at once and failing. My biggest struggle is pop and I can’t do diet (ewww artificial sweeteners). I can’t handle them in ANYTHING so sugar free this or that is out of the question. All I can say right now is that I’m trying. It has to count for something.

Stuck in a rut

Mentally right now I’m in a huge rut. I’m in a very life sucks and nothing is working out right now woe is me rah rah mood. I’m anti-social to everyone. I’m not talking to my family much, sleeping a lot more, and just…. blah. I usually get on and game every night with guy, alvin, and corey but I don’t even want to do that. I just want to curl up and shut away from everyone. I know this financial rut we hit will pass and we’re already beginning to climb out of it but at a cost.

I miss my husband. Between the fact that his commute is about 25 minutes longer now each way plus us getting a vehicle which requires some maintenance (therefore he spends any waking time in the garage) and overtime the only time I see him is right in the morning when he’s home from work before Gracie wakes up which is anywhere from 7:15-8:30. We cuddle and chat and then he’s off until 5:30/6 and there’s no us time. We don’t have privacy either so even time we do have together is open with everyone else. He’s on a 7 days on 1 day off schedule now so we don’t know when his next days off will be but as of now his next day won’t be until next Saturday which is 13 days straight. Overtime @ $22/hr is nice. I know I sound like I switch thoughts in the middle because I complain about money issues and then when that is being fixed I’m not happy because I miss him too much. I can’t win for losing.

On a positive note my brother got invited to beta test Starcraft 2 and it is AWESOME. He let me have his login info so I can try it out too and it’s just… worth the wait I’d say. I also obtained p90x or should say I’m in the process of it thanks to Anna inspiring me and once I get the program I intend on doing it. Maybe that will give me a goal and something to do every day since it’s very motonous living here. I don’t have the entire house to clean anymore and I get a lot of help with Gracie so I have more free time. I bought a few weights, a yoga mat, and resistance bands along with some protein bars in preparation. I need to find my DVDs to burn the videos. My sister is going to do it with me and maybe my younger brother too since we all need it. For now I’m going to go curl up in bed with some wife swap. Oh what fun.

Too lazy to think of a title

I feel like I have nothing to blog about lately. I’m quite miserable in general though due to being overwhelmed with the living situation (omg stuff everywhere of every bodys). There are 8 people here and 1 baby plus 2 dogs. 3 bedrooms. I’m constantly walking into something or tripping over something else. BAH. Sometimes I just want to go be alone but it’s hard because there is no where to just be alone here. I enjoyed the past 2 hours because my brothers (plus the friend of his living with us) were at school, mom and sister were running errands, dad was at work, randy/baby sleeping because I had silence and it was blissful.

As for an update on our general situation, ummm, apartment listings are scarce. It seems no one is moving lately and we are limited to this county only soooooooo I check every day and cross my fingers for that 1 that will appear. We get our tax return in exactly 1 week (I’m jealous of people who filed and got it in 1 week, I filed almost 2 weeks ago). We will have roughly $3,000 to use for getting a place and finding a vehicle for randy since $1,000 goes to my parents and another $1,000 for his fines/re-application for license. Financially we’re OK and I’m glad to say we can afford luxuries every so often but I reallllly want to find somewhere else to live.

My truck/blazer/whatever is doing good. They replaced the part this weekend and the engine light shut off so Thursday we get the NYS inspection done and Randy has a few tune ups to do on it this weekend but I’m really liking it and 4 wheel drive is some awesomesauce. *Yawn* I felt like death warmed over yesterday for some reason I had a horrid headache and intense nausea. Yuck.

The internet seems slow lately. What’s up in your world?

All moved in

Well, we’re all moved in and I’m less than enthused. We went through the walkthrough yesterday and turned our key into our landlord. She is mailing our security deposit back to us within the next 2-3 days so I’ll be expecting that. It was saddening for me. I liked my apartment, the location, and being out on our own. Now I’m back at my parents house and it is SO crowded here. Randy and I have our bed in the hallway in the corner where it fits, Gracie sleeps in her crib in my mom’s room, and downstairs we have her swing/bouncer/bassinet all cramped around. Clothes are everywhere so it’s impossible to find anything and there is nowhere to put anything so it stays organized. Everything is every where. It’s driving me insane already. There are also people around constantly and Gracie has been very fussy so I think she’s having difficulty adjusting to all the people around and a new environment. They also keep their house around 75/80 for heat and we’re used to about 65/70 so I’m getting headaches.

On top of all of this, they discovered my car frame is bent so it is shot and not safe to drive. As a result we are using mom’s SUV for errands which sucks for sharing purposes and also for gas (we’ve gone through over $100 since thursday). We talked to a guy on Craigslist and we might be going to buy an SUV tomorrow but it’s 82 miles away so we need to solidify that he will be home and it’s not going to be gone before we make the long ass trip. Since Randy’s mom insures our vehicles for cost reasons, she needs to come with us so we can hit up the DMV right there and drive back instead of towing (oh the gas, OW). It’s really nice and my parents are going to lend us the money until our taxes come in next week to get it, thankfully.

Gracie goes to get her 4 month shots today which I’m EVER so excited about (Not, cranky cranky baby and emotional mommy) and we need to turn in our road runner box, get our mail forwarded (I forgot!), and stop by his mom’s house to discuss tomorrow with her. My lips are chapped too from the bitter cold and moving combined.

I’m just not in a very good mood right now. Life is hectic and I’m going to go nuts with all the crowdedness here. I like wide open spaces.