forever-waiting.net

So it’s been 3 weeks since I last updated. Since then I have done a number of things many people are aware of. I try to keep too much off of my personal blog since it can be read by ANYONE but in short

• I tried to commit suicide and failed but was on life support for 4 days
• Am in a custody battle for my daughter and currently have visitation
• Will have 2 room mates as of August 1st to ease the huge financial strain
• Am actively seeking employment
• Have lost an un-determined amount of weight

I’m trying the best I can but I do have some rough times or days in general which make me miss my old life. Coming out of this was like a fresh start that I really didn’t want. I didn’t picture my life this way… I’m just glad I have amazing support from friends and family (2 specific friends come to mind). There are times where I sit and ponder and just wonder WHY but never get an answer to it. I’m not really comfortable discussing the suicide attempt in public besides just stating that I hit a breaking point. I do have an order of protection against him now so he cannot call, text, etc. with me or have a third party do so either. *sigh* I hate that things have come to this. It’s messy, it hurts. Sometimes I sit down and I miss him… and that is when I am reminded of he is why I’m going through all this shit right now and my ass gets kicked back into gear.

Now I’m continuing my freelance opportunities. I need to come up with roughly $240 by the first through freelancing or SOMETHING if anyone has an opportunity that can help me out feel free to shoot it my way. I have ample time since I only get 9 hours of visitation a week until we go back to court to actually work it out. Anything set now is just temporary while we get lawyers and stuff.

Warning: This is a review of a sex toy.

When I got the opportunity to review a sex toy from EdenFantasys I couldn’t pass it up. I like variety in the bedroom just like many other people do. I chose to try out the Bunnygizer which is a form of a rabbit vibrator. I’ve tried them out in the past and figured this wouldn’t be much different than my previous experiences but boy was I wrong.

I got the package quite discreetly in a priority flat rate box. The company name on the box doesn’t imply that there are Sex Toys in the box. I also like the speed of shipping. Once I opened the package I was introduced to the bright pink Bunnygizer. It is quite safe to use and is made of thermoplastic rubber that is Phthalates free / Hypo-allergenic / Latex free to avoid problems with allergies. It felt quite hard on the shaft but I liked the two rabbit ears for the clitoral stimulation. It is a bit heavy since it requires 3AA batteries but that is to be expected of something that is 10 inches total in length. This is not something you’re going to stash away in your purse for example.

Once I got the batteries in it I began playing with the settings and this is the big selling point for me. The vibration patterns aren’t typical and plain like some other vibrators. There is a constant low and high vibration along with some vibrations that start off low intensity and slowly move up while others pulsate. This provides a lot of variety when you need a change of pace. The beads that rotate in the shaft leave something to be desired. They really didn’t do much for me in terms of adding to the overall experience. The LED lights which indicate the pattern of vibrations can be quite distracting because they are so bright but if you aren’t paying attention than it really isn’t a con to the product. It is rather noisy so you may want to use discretion when deciding where to play. Another notable problem is that the battery cover does not stay on very well and the plastic appears cheaply made here. I had it come off once or twice while using it.

I, of course, can’t review the product without actually using it. I’ve used it alone and have previously had problems with climaxing but the Bunnygizer really surprised me and managed to send me over the edge in less than 5 minutes. Immediately I knew it was a keeper. I also used to to add to the experience with someone else and it was definitely a nice addition. The vibrations didn’t distract too much from what we were doing otherwise and it really enhanced the experience.

Cleaning it was very easy as well. It wasn’t listed as waterproof so I gently washed the shaft and avoided getting the areas where the batteries were wet and then laid it out to dry on a towel.

Overall, I would give the Bunnygizer 4/5 stars and recommend it to anyone who likes intense vibrations for satisfaction.

Bunnygizer Rabbit vibrator by California Exotic Material: TPR (Thermoplastic Rubber) Safety: $47.99 Buy from EdenFantasys
Rating:	Vroom:	Bee:
This product was provided free of charge to the reviewer.

I moved out and now Gracie and I live on our own. I like my apartment but it’s a different feel most definitely.

Emotionally I’m up and down but mainly down. I am not handling things very well. At. All.

I’m also feeling incredibly betrayed by the people who said they supported me and would be there for me (His family). They’ve been spending all weekend together with his new g/f when previously Gracie and I would’ve been invited. Now we’re flung to the side.

I want to wash my hands of everyone and anyone associated with that part of my life. I want to leave the past 3 1/2 years and never look back. I don’t have any pictures of him anyone. Everything has been deleted. I threw out everything he sent me from prison last night. A year’s worth of letters, pictures, and memories. It’s all thrown out but in my memory it all stays and every time I look at Gracie and know her father doesn’t care.

He’s literally been 5 minutes away all weekend and hasn’t texted or called or anything because he’s with her. It’s obvious where his priorities lie and it makes me sick.

I think I’m going to be deleting this installation of WP and starting from scratch. Now that Randy and I are split I want all these memories gone. Pictures are getting deleted and everything. There is no use hanging on to something that will never be again.

I realize that I forgot to post an update about the overall situation. Woops. I seem to have been distracted. Randy and I looked at a place on mother’s day and 2 days later we called and found out we got it. I told him it was the best mother’s day present ever. I went and paid the security deposit the next day and we are expecting a call to find out exactly when we can move in. The people currently living in the apartment are planning to close on a house and their date is currently the 23rd. He said as soon as they are out then we are able to move in even before it is the 1st. So that is exciting for us.

It was a rare gem in the paper. It is a 3 bedroom apartment that includes heat in the rent. We’re in the country next to the county park (a mile or two) and we will be 20 miles from his work place. We are currently 34 or so which means we’re cutting down significantly on the gas costs. We also have a large yard which is great. I can tell you once we get in there I don’t intend on moving for quite. The best part of course is that we get to keep Colby. The apartment was originally $525 and security in the same amount but he agreed that if we paid an extra $75 security and $20 a month rent we could keep Colby which is an absolute STEAL. So that has been my latest excitement. This means we’re going to be moving in like 2 weeks at the earliest or 3 weeks at the latest.

What else… Oh my cell phone is on my parent’s plan and since they’re in a rough spot and not going to be able to pay it the phones were shut off this morning. Randy and I decided to finally take him off of pre-paid and we’re switching to Sprint. We both got Samsung Seek phones. He got red and I got blue. We will have them on Thursday since overnight shipping is guaranteed. I’m also selling my EnV Touch since it’s now useless so it is up on Ebay. That should pay for the 2 phones that we’re getting from Sprint.

Randy and I are doing well overall which I’m glad to say. It’s hard to blog because otherwise things are just super hectic around here. It’s tense because of the entire situation and my parents are very cold towards each other so I sometimes feel like I’m on eggshells. Blah. I just keep reminding myself we’ll be out soon and I’m looking forward to it.